Mr Steven Arnott
My freakin’ address
I’m not gonna show you this
Go away, internet
Account Number: 1234 5678 000
22 July 2011
Freakin’ Solid Gold Towers or something
Somewhere in Scotland
Dear Scottish Power,
Thank you for your letter dated 18 July 2011 claiming that my account is in debit of £201.15 and that you require immediate payment. I am no longer a customer of Scottish Power, having closed my account in June 2011, so I am confused as to how additional charges can have been accrued since I stopped using your service.
On 25 June 2011 you sent me a settlement cheque of £199.58, which I duly banked, bringing my account balance to £0. However, on 12 July 2011 you sent me an ‘amended gas statement’ requesting that I pay an additional £78.60. Unfortunately (or perhaps fortunately) I had also ‘amended’ my Direct Debit to you by this time, i.e. cancelled it. Ok, so the previous balance was calculated with estimated usage figures, so I can accept that my actual usage may differ, so I will gladly pay this. Well, not gladly, but in good honour, you understand.
But £201.15? Where did this figure come from? Your strongly-worded and slightly threatening letter (18 July) gives no breakdown of how this figure was reached, and I am not inclined to pay it unless I am utterly convinced that I owe you this money. How did I come to use £122.55 of gas/electricity after I closed my account with you? Was it the magic pixies again? I don’t like magic. I admit that I watched the Harry Potter movies, but under duress, and mainly so I could keep an eye on how Hermione was coming along.
Do you have any idea what I could do with £122.55 (don’t reach for the calculator – this is the difference between the £78.60 that I owe you and the £201.15 that you are claiming)? I could, oh, I don’t know, feed the mouths of my starving children. Or buy a puffin. A PUFFIN. How cool would that be? I would be the envy of my lowly guillemot-owning friends.
I look forward to your equally sarcastic response.
F:\My Dropbox\Scottish Power\Cram it up your arse, Scottish Power.docx
Dear Scottish PowerPosted: July 22, 2011 in Uncategorized